Cotton wool – I have a couple of friends who shudder at the thought of the stuff. They really can’t stand it. It makes their skin crawl just to think about it, never mind touch it. Anyway, I digress. This post is really nothing to do with cotton wool. It’s about my head, my brain or my thoughts. I don’t know really and that’s part of the difficulty.
Do you ever have one of those days when your head just feels like cotton wool or candy floss (cotton candy) or a tangled up ball of string? Like there’s something wrong with your brain and all your neural networks are connected up wrong? I’ve had quite a few days like that in the last couple of weeks (although I have to say I’m feeling better now on the whole) where there are so many thoughts jumbled up in my head that it sort of feels like I’m not thinking about anything. Do you ever get that? Maybe it’s just me? It’s like there’s so much going on that your brain just goes numb or shuts down but you know it’s not the same as having no thoughts because your head feels fuzzy and restless.
I don’t even know what to tell you about those thoughts because when they’re all jumbled up like that it’s hard to distinguish between them. I guess there are thoughts about work and family and friends and what various people I know are going through. Thoughts of the past and the present and the future and what my hopes and dreams were and are and what God wants to do with my life – assuming my life is still in some way useful to Him.
I’m not even really sure what I’m trying to say about this. Maybe I’m not really trying to say anything? I’m just trying to process what feels kinda confusing at times. I guess what I need in those times is peace of mind? A peace that passes understanding. So I don’t need to be able to work out my thoughts or make any sense of them but instead just allow His peace to bypass my understanding and fill my mind. Maybe it’s about trust again? I don’t need to have it all worked out or understand everything because my Papa God is in control and I can rest in that.