Field of dreams

I needed a bit of headspace this afternoon so I’m sitting in a field mulling over a million thoughts. The grass is taller than my head where I’m sitting which might not be such a good plan since I’m allergic to it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m grateful for the worship music in my ears. It reminds me where to put my hope. I’m grateful for the warmth of the sun. I’m grateful for the distraction of bees, butterflies, grasshoppers and other insects that I’m watching while they busily hop or fly from one flower or blade of grass to another.

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve sat in fields contemplating. Sometimes dreaming. Sometimes crying. Sometimes trying to make sense of life. Maybe there’s something that literally grounds you when you sit directly on the soil? More likely it’s the awesomeness of contemplating creation and God and things way bigger than me that makes me dream and hope for better things.

I feel small and insignificant sitting here. That’s okay though – it’s no pressure to be invisible. What is harder is knowing that there should be more and I’m not sure if I can ever be more or be enough. Part of me wants to turn this around and preach to myself right now. I know the ‘correct’ answer to that statement I just made but I need to sit with this emotion for a while. I need to empty out the pain once in a while. There’s no point in hiding the real me. That’s the whole point of this blog.

This is a bit of a verbal vomit type post so I know it probably won’t make a lot of sense to anyone but if you’re still reading I appreciate your time and that you cared enough to read this far.

Does anyone else sit in the middle of fields to process or is that just me? Where do you go for headspace?

When Heaven Invades Earth

I was recently reading this book by Bill Johnson for the night class I’m attending (virtually these days) through church. As an assignment for the class we had to write a short reflection on the book and I mentioned this in a previous post. Today I wanted to go back and reread what I had said in the reflection; partly because I know that there were some things I planned to act on after writing it and I wanted to make sure that I’m doing this. I thought while I was going back over it I’d share it here to let you guys in on some of my recent thoughts about faith. Please feel free to leave questions or comments but be gentle – a lot of this is stuff that’s still pretty raw for me and I’m still processing and working through. I’m not at the end of this journey yet – maybe I never will be. So without further ado – here it is:

Reflection on When Heaven Invades Earth by Bill Johnson

On reading this book there were so many things that stood out for me; things that I want to be able to put into practise.  For the purposes of this reflection I’ve narrowed these down to four main themes that I felt were particularly powerful for me (in no particular order) – power, presence, testimony and superior reality.

Power

The first theme I want to look at is power.  I realise that my appetite for the impossible has shrunk over the years and that I have not been expecting miracles to happen in or through me.  Although I knew that anyone could access the prophetic, I was guilty of believing it was not my gift and therefore neglecting the prophetic. I have buried the gifts I was aware that I had out of fear of man or fear of being wrong.  I feel like my Christianity has been a compromise – there has been little supernatural power involved and little impact for the Kingdom.

Reading this book has given me an increased desire to see this change.  As it states in Chapter 11 “to re-present Him without power is a major shortcoming.” I want to display the power of God in and through my life so that the people I come into contact with get a true representation of Jesus. I realise that to do this I will have to be bold and take risks but in doing this I will become dangerous to the enemy.  In Chapter 3 we see that “Hidden sin…has kept us from the purity that breeds boldness and great faith.” I want boldness and great faith so I’m going to look to God to expose any hidden sin in my life so that I can be pure.  I intend to pray specifically about diseases that I want to see God heal through me and for the boldness to be obedient and the tenacity to keep on doing it even if I don’t see results straight away.

Presence

The second theme I felt was significant is the presence of God.  I feel that there have been seasons in my walk with God that I have been intimate with Him but I know that there is more.  I have been guilty of striving and being led by my intellect rather than living out of a place of rest and allowing Him to lead me.  I feel that I have also allowed others to influence my life more than I should have rather than listening to God. I know that my hunger and my passion for God is not what it has been in the past and I want that back.

I am already starting to spend more of my quiet time worshipping and developing intimacy with God. I am realising increasingly that what I need is His presence more than anything else and I want that continual anointing.  I want to feel His manifested presence as I walk with Him minute by minute.  I want a deeper encounter with the Trinity and to live completely surrendered to God.  I am praying for a hunger for the presence of the Spirit of God in my life so that I will be changed and humbled and He will be glorified. 

Testimony

Chapter 2 states that “When we are silent, we have chosen to keep those who would hear away from eternal life.”  This was a bit of a wake-up call for me.  I am often silent – about many things – and I have not been particularly vocal about my faith; in particular I have not been evangelistic.  I don’t want to limit other people’s opportunities to come to Jesus.  I have also listened to scepticism about the miraculous and allowed myself to be swayed towards unbelief.  I know that I have also believed lies about the value of what I have to say.

I am praying that I will conquer and be released from whatever it is that stops me from boldly speaking out.  I have already begun to declare the truth of what God says, out loud, every day and will continue to do this.  I also intend to make a point of reading and watching more testimonies about what God is doing to feed myself and increase my expectation and desire for the supernatural.  I know that God’s natural realm is the supernatural and what He has done before He will do again.  I am declaring that when I speak people will come to know Him.  I will continue to listen to God so that my faith is increased.  I want to speak out the message of the Kingdom and see that backed up with His power.

Superior Reality

For many years in my Christian walk I have lost sight of the superior reality of the kingdom and focused too much on the ‘natural’.  Like many Christians I have prayed for people who have not received healing and that has led to a fear of appearing to live in denial.  I think I have been guilty of focusing more on my inability than on His ability and I realise that I need my mind to be transformed.

I now understand that there is reality and a superior reality.  The reminder that Jesus lived as a man and could do nothing in himself, that He performed miracles and signs and wonders in right relationship to God made me acknowledge that as a Christian I should be doing this too. I want to live a life of ‘history-changing significance’.  I repent of my wrong thinking and surrender completely to God’s rule.  I am choosing to agree with God and stop partnering with what appears to be the truth in the natural.  I will ask God to open my eyes so that I will be more aware of the superior reality of the mysteries of His Kingdom.

In conclusion I want to stop living as a ‘good person’ and instead live as a citizen of heaven on earth.  I want to insist on a supernatural lifestyle that truly allows the world to encounter Christ.  I abandon my heart completely to Him and I am praying for a faith that brings the reality of heaven to earth.  I want a faith that knows God will do it when I pray for healing.  I want to discover who God truly is and put aside the religious misconceptions I have had which affect my faith. I want to take up the authority He has given me and move in that. I want to have a faith that “moves heaven, so that heaven will move earth.”

He Wants Me

I wanted to share this song with you since I’ve been listening to it most of this week on and off. I came across it the other morning when I was feeling pretty low and it helped to turn around my thinking at the time and made me feel loved.

I think my greatest desire (for myself) is to feel loved and wanted and seen and known but my feelings don’t always oblige. This song reminded me that God sees me and knows me better than anyone and somehow even though he knows all about my shortcomings and my failures the God of the universe wants me. That boggles my brain when I think about it just for a minute. Anyway I hope the song blesses you as much as it did me.

Control by Tenth Avenue North

Here I am
All my intentions
All my obsessions
I want to lay them all down
In Your hands
Only Your love is vital
Though I’m not entitled
Still You call me Your child

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I give You control

I’ve had plans
Shattered and broken
Things I have hoped in
Fall through my hands
You have plans
To redeem and restore me
You’re behind and before me
Oh, help me believe

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go, oh

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control

Oh, You want me
Somehow You want me
The King of Heaven wants me
So this world has lost it’s grip on me

Oh, You want me
Somehow You want me
The King of Heaven wants me
So this world has lost it’s grip on me

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go, oh

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I give You control

Oh, give You control
Oh, I want to give You control
I give You control

You want me
Somehow You want me
The King of Heaven wants me
So this world has lost it’s grip on me

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Matthew Bronleewe / Michael Donehey

Control (Somehow You Want Me) lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Did you ever wonder…?

It’s 3.30am as I start writing this. I’ve been lying awake for a while with all sorts of thoughts running through my mind so I decided to give up trying to get back to sleep right now and spill some of those thoughts out here. I’ve made myself a cinnamon and apple tea (was looking for camomile but I think we’re out) and I’m sipping that while I type.

My sleeping patterns are weird. I can go for months sleeping soundly all through the night and then I’ll have several weeks when I’m awake at least two or three times. Sometimes I know why (too much sugar does it, or if there are people on my mind to pray for) and sometimes not. Well tonight I can’t figure out a reason for my wakefulness. I’ve prayed for several people who came to mind and I’m still awake. I haven’t had any alcohol in 5 days (that occasionally messes up my sleep) or too much caffeine, so I’m clueless.

Today (well yesterday technically) was a gloriously sunny day. We watched church online in the morning and then had a picnic lunch in the garden. I read some of my book (Rising Strong by Brene Brown) lying on the picnic blanket and went out for my daily exercise allowance (walk) in the fields nearby. After dinner (well during/after dinner) I decided to burn some of our paper rubbish in the fire pit. Due to Covid-19 changes they’re not picking up our recycling like they usually do. They’re now only collecting one bin every week again and everything is in the same bin (it’s like we’ve gone back in time).

Anyway I had this thought while I was feeding and watching the fire. I love a fire – I’m not sure why? Maybe it reminds me of my grandad who was always sitting by his open fire and ‘looking after’ it? Maybe it’s just that I’ve always enjoyed being warm – if there’s a fire in a room I’ll be sitting beside it. I wondered if I had been brought up in a completely different family would I have been an arsonist? 😂 It’s a silly thought really but I guess I was thinking that my fascination with fire could have gone a different way?

I was brought up in a semi-strict Christian family. My dad was a bank accountant and lay preacher who later became a pastor. My mum was a midwife. We were raised with tight rules and good morals. It got me thinking about what might have been different in my life if I had had a different type of upbringing. Not that I’d want to change it – I consider my childhood to have been a very positive experience on the whole; but for example if I had witnessed my parents fight or argue would I have known how to handle conflict better and not been such a teddy bear (my conflict style)? If my parents hadn’t sided with my foster brother against me that time (another story) would I have had less doubts about my worth in later life? If I had felt able to openly discuss my questions about faith and life that might not fit exactly with what the Bible says would I have felt more free to speak what is on my mind? Don’t get me wrong – I’m not dissing my parents – I think they did a great job. Nothing about parenting is easy and I’m quite sure my kids could make a long list of everything I got wrong. I’m simply wondering how things might have been different.

I appreciate that for some people reading this you may have had the opposite type of upbringing, with more negative experiences than positive ones. I suppose though my question still stands for you. How might things have been different?

Whatever your background was like I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you think that you would have been fundamentally different if you were raised in a different type of family? What aspects of your character or personality do you think were profoundly affected by your upbringing? Is there anything you wish you could change or are you convinced that whatever your journey has been it’s led you to become the person you are today?

Let me know in the comments. 🙃

Out of Hiding

It’s been a couple of weeks since I wrote anything, pretty much three actually. I guess I’ve been a bit stressed and overwhelmed in some ways. It’s weird because on one hand there have been lots of positives happening and I’m not worried about the pandemic (as awful as it is). Something has shifted a bit though in the last few weeks and I’m aware that I’m more anxious than usual. Anyway, I’m working through it so I’ll not dwell on it except to say that it’s probably why I’ve not been writing – I think sometimes I clam up when I get overwhelmed. On the other hand sometimes I need to write when I feel that way. I’m a bit of an enigma – even to me. 😝

On a positive note – a couple of weeks ago my daughter returned early from the States. I’m so glad she’s home! She was in two minds about coming back but her flat mates were leaving and her school had gone online so when they advised UK citizens to return home she decided to come back. She made her decision on the Sunday evening (which was Monday morning here) and asked me to book her a flight on the Tuesday and she was home by Wednesday evening. I’m really enjoying having both my kids at home again – even if it’s only for a little while.

I’ve finished the first term of the night class I’ve been doing through the church. The last few weeks have been completed over Zoom and Facebook live due to social distancing but it’s worked out pretty well. I had to write a book reflection to hand in for the end of the term too. I may post that at some point. It has been really helpful in getting me to adjust my mindset recently, although there’s obviously still some work to do on that.

Over the last few weeks I’ve also been doing the Negativity Fast and Positivity Feast organised by Igniting Hope Ministries. I’ve found that really useful too and I have definitely made progress in my thinking through it. I know that might sound like a contradiction because I said at the start of this post that I’ve been anxious, but the negativity fast is not about denying the reality of how you’re feeling or doing it’s more about understanding and believing that there is also a superior reality which is what God says about you. More about that in another post perhaps?

Since I’ve not been able to do classes over the last few weeks I’ve been working on a few other things for my business. I finally got my accounts up to date (one of the jobs I love to hate) and I’ve been learning how to build a website using Joomla. I’ve even started a YouTube channel although I’ve not got much on there yet. Gives me some stuff to work on though.

Anyway, I really just wanted to break my silence to share this song. I heard it for the first time a few days ago and it stood out to me because it mentions the words ‘lockdown’ and ‘stand at a distance’ which are pretty significant terms with the whole virus thing. It’s not about the coronavirus though and it’s also relevant for this Easter weekend.

I love the words. It’s a great reminder of how much Jesus loves me and you; enough to go to the cross for us. I love that He holds our peace and that He’s just waiting for us to cast aside fear and run into His loving arms. Even if the music isn’t your taste have a look or a listen to the words. Have a lovely Easter wherever you are and stay safe!

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
John 15:13

Out of Hiding (Official Lyric Video) – Steffany Gretzinger & Amanda Cook | The Undoing

Out of Hiding

You’ve got your reasons
But I hold your peace
You’ve been on lockdown
And I hold the key

‘Cause I loved you before you knew it was love
And I saw it all, still I chose the cross
And you were the one that I was thinking of
When I rose from the grave

Now rid of the shackles, My victory’s yours
I tore the veil for you to come close
There’s no reason to stand at a distance anymore
You’re not far from home

I’ll be your lighthouse
When you’re lost at sea
And I will illuminate everything

No need to be frightened
By intimacy
No, just throw off your fear
And come running to Me

‘Cause I loved you before you knew it was love
And I saw it all, still I chose the cross
And you were the one that I was thinking of
When I rose from the grave
Now rid of the shackles, My victory’s yours
I tore the veil for you to come close
There’s no reason to stand at a distance anymore
You’re not far from home
Keep on coming

And oh as you run
What hindered love
Will only become
Part of the story
Baby, you’re almost home now
Please don’t quit now
You’re almost home to Me

Random Thoughts During Social Distancing

Should I reset my alarm?  It’s normally set for 6.15am on weekdays and 8am on the weekends so I can get up and spend some quiet time with God before everyone else starts to move.  Now that everyone is working from home no one is really moving before about 8.30am so I could shift it a bit – or leave it and use the extra time for something else?  Thoughts?

I’ve never been more grateful for the sunshine.  In the midst of everything that’s going on in the world, it just makes me feel better.

Writing in my garden while social distancing

I wonder when my daughter will come home?  We were chatting through her options yesterday.  Her school in California has gone online and her two roommates are leaving to go home on Tuesday so she could come home too.  She’s not keen on the idea of being on her own especially with all the social distancing but she also has FOMO if everything clears up and goes back to normal quicker than expected.  I’d love her to come back but I also want her to be sure she’s doing the right thing for her.  I don’t want to put pressure on her.

I wonder if we’ll be able to go on holiday in July?  It’s hardly important in the current climate but just a thought.

Will I be able to claim any money back for lost business? I’ve worked out that with the bookings I had in the diary I’ll be losing out on something like 26 days if the schools stay shut until the summer break (which seems to be what is expected).  I’m going to try to use the time to do other things that I don’t normally get round to – like my website for example.  If necessary I could get another job though.  The supermarkets are looking for more staff right now.

Will I do more writing or less?  I’m having another wobble about writing at the moment.  I don’t know whether to keep going or quit. 

Should I try to get a telephone appointment with the doctor?  I’m not sick but I’ve been wondering about whether I should try coming off the antidepressants?  They don’t want us to bother the NHS right now unless it’s an emergency though, and it’s not that.  Does anyone know how you get off these things?  Can I do it safely without a doctor’s advice?  I’m on a very low dose.

I have a gift card to use up before June.  Not quite sure if that’s going to be possible?  It’s maybe my own fault for holding on to it so long but I was hoping to buy a couple of new outfits for this summer with it.  It’s for one of the nearby shopping centres.  Maybe I could use it for food shopping or just go to the clothes shops one day and keep my distance from everyone?  I feel bad for the shops and businesses that are losing out because of this virus.  I know we have to be sensible to avoid spreading it but so many people are losing their livelihoods too.  That could have a knock on effect that lasts way longer than COVID-19.

I probably should disinfect the door handles and surfaces again but today is Mother’s Day in the UK so it’s going to wait till tomorrow.  I want to relax today.  I got the sweetest card with the most lovely words in it today from my kids along with some beautiful flowers.  I am blessed.

If you’ve got this far, thanks for reading my random ramblings.  Stay safe and don’t forget to wash your hands.  🤗

Yes I Will

I’ve been a bit quiet again – I know. It’s hard to explain. There are just times when I find it hard to ‘talk’. Sometimes it’s even hard to share with my closest friends. I just seem to clam up. It’s weird in a way because there’s nothing I want more than a safe place to spill out what’s on my heart.

I’m okay really – in the midst of all the craziness in the world right now. Everything feels a little surreal. Hubby is working from home for the foreseeable future. My son’s uni is closed and classes are going online. I’m taking business a day at a time and counting on nothing since it seems like schools could shut at any moment. My daughter’s mission trip has been cancelled and I’m just hoping that she’ll be able to get home from California okay when the time comes.

Friends are having their holidays cancelled and it looks like people of my parents age will be asked to stay at home soon. Many of the shelves in the supermarkets are bare, a Foodbank in my area was robbed and some self employed people are worrying about how they will pay their bills. Night shelters are concerned about homeless people who may come into contact with the virus and teachers are wondering how the children who rely on free school meals are going to get fed. Like my hubby says it feels like the plot of a movie.

Yesterday was a little unusual for a Sunday. Although our church was meeting we didn’t get up early enough to go so we listened to a message online about Kingdom in Mental and Emotional Health. I got pretty emotional listening to it actually. I guess a lot of things resonated with me. In the afternoon I went for a long walk in the countryside to make sure I got my steps in for my charity challenge. After dinner (and a little/fair bit of wine) I fell asleep just before the end of the movie we were watching. Then of course, during the night when I should have been sleeping I was awake! 😝

Photo from Pixabay

One of the things I enjoyed most about yesterday was listening to my music while I was out walking. There’s something about being in nature that makes it easier for me to hear God and there’s something about the lyrics of songs that has a way of getting through to me. Sometimes even when I’m having a difficult day singing at the top of my lungs or dancing around my kitchen can be enough to pull me out of the doldrums.

This song is one that has helped me out of a difficult place several times. I recommend turning up the volume to listen to it. 🙂

Yes I Will by Vertical Worship

I count on one thing
The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
You won’t fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who’s never late
Is working all things out
You’re working all things out

Yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley
Yes I will, bless Your name
Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy
All my days, oh yes I will

I count on one thing
The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
You won’t fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who’s never late
Is working all things out
Is working all things out

Oh, yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley
Yes I will, bless Your name
Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy
For all my days, oh yes I will
For all my days, oh yes, I will

And I choose to praise
To glorify, glorify…

Source: LyricFind

Extra Time

How many times have you thought ‘I wish I had more hours in my day?’ Right now it’s 2.30am in the UK and I should be sleeping… I was feeling a bit under the weather last night and fell asleep really early which could be the reason that I now find myself wondering how to use my ‘extra time’. Probably I should be trying to relax my mind and get back to sleep but instead I’ve read some blog posts (I’ve got a bit behind on reading the last few days) and now I’m typing this while pondering options.

I could do some housework – quiet jobs obviously as the rest of the household are asleep – there is plenty of ironing to do, or I could wipe down the door handles with anti-bac spray since there seems to be a bit of a tummy bug in the house? Also who knows if any of us has been in contact with the Corona virus?

I could go out for a walk and get a head start on my 10000 steps for the day? I’m doing a challenge for a homelessness charity to walk 315000 steps during March. So far I’m on track which I’m happy about because I haven’t been walking as much recently as I’d like and this challenge is making me get out and about again.

I could spend some time reading for my book reflection that I need to hand in for the study course I’m doing with church? I have been saying that I need to make time for that. Or I could spend some time with Papa God as I’m feeling the need to do a lot more of that recently?

There’s always work to be done for my business too. It’s nearly the end of the financial year and I need to get my accounts up to date and work out if I’ve claimed all my expenses and the invoices I’ve sent out have all been paid. Last year I think I ended up paying too much tax because I still had some income from teaching and I wasn’t properly on top of the expenses thing.

Maybe I could do something creative? I have several half finished craft projects that I keep promising myself I’ll get round to finishing – beading, cross-stitching, sewing up a bag that I knitted etc.

Probably now that I’ve brain dumped all of these options here I will just end up going back to bed. Thanks for bearing with me while I worked that out though. 🤪

If you had an extra hour that you weren’t expecting how would you use it?

What tips do you have for getting back to sleep in the middle of the night?

Night night. 😴

Unstuck!

I’ve been a bit quiet for the last couple of weeks. Truth is I’ve been feeling stuck. I was down after coming back from California (pretty normal after a holiday I guess) but I was also struggling a bit to look forward. It felt like I was bottling things up but I didn’t know exactly what. I needed to get some emotions out (possibly writing would have helped) but I was scared to let them out because I didn’t quite know where that would go. I don’t know if any of that makes sense to anyone else? Sometimes I think I’m just weird.

Something has shifted though. I think I’m starting to accept things. Things that have been difficult in the past, how things are now and how the future might look. I’m feeling more hopeful.

I was in two minds yesterday. I was really toying with the idea of just shutting down this blog. In fact possibly shutting down most of my social media. I’m naturally a sharer. When I’m face to face with someone I tend to be open with them but I guess I was kinda wondering what the point is in sharing for the sake of sharing – that’s how social media feels right now. I sometimes feel like I have friends on WordPress or on Facebook etc but I might never have met these people in person or talked to them face to face. Is that really a friendship? It feels real to me but I have no idea what the other people feel?

That wasn’t meant to be the point of this post though. The point is I feel like I’ve been stuck in the past a bit recently. Struggling to accept some of it. I can’t stay there though because I think it’s what makes me depressed? Or at least part of it. I feel like I might be starting to piss some people off with my ‘stuckness’ too. So I’m choosing to let go. To be happy with my life. To grow into the person Papa God wants me to be. I feel like He has so much more for me and I haven’t been able to move into that. Saying it like that makes it sound like I think that’s going to be easy. I’m sure it won’t always be easy but I have to start somewhere.

In time I’m hoping I’ll be able to get off the antidepressants too. I’m sure they sap my energy and they seem to make my tremor worse. (It’s not dangerous – it’s called an essential tremor apparently – seems totally unnecessary to me.)

For now it looks like the blog will stay too. It’s been a helpful way for me to process so if that’s all it is, there is a place for it. So it looks like you guys are stuck with me in the meantime – and I’m getting myself unstuck. 🙂

Photo taken at Finnich Glen

Sunshine after the rain 🌤

It’s been a reasonably productive day so far – at least as productive as they get these days 😝. I won’t bore you with details of laundry and food shopping but after a pretty busy morning and early afternoon I was treating myself to a little time out to read my book.

I was initially settled down comfortably in the living room but then my son came home with a friend and they wanted to play the PlayStation so I took myself off to my room for peace. Anyway, I was just lying reading when my flow was interrupted by a ray of sunlight coming in the window. Now remember I live in Scotland – and it’s February. Not to mention the fact that it’s been peeing down most of the day.

The sunshine after the rain – taken from my bedroom window.

That ray of sunshine lit up my room, and my heart in a way, and reminded me that the rainy seasons do come to an end. Things don’t stay the same for ever. If you’re struggling today this is for you – it will get better. It always does – eventually. 🤗