(Not so) Amazing Discoveries about Myself.

I’ve discovered some new things about me. Turns out there’s still more to know, even at my age!

I’ve discovered I can eat Bombay mix out of a bowl using only my tongue. Amazing but true! 😂 Maybe I have a really long tongue?

I’ve discovered that I can make my stomach look really gross if I scrunch it up just right. Between the stretch marks and the less than toned bits and the ‘becoming more obedient’ muscles I can scrunch it up pretty good. 😁

I’ve discovered that some people (maybe those who require an eye test?) still think I look under 25. Yup, I actually got ID’d today in the supermarket. I might not have been so happy about that if I hadn’t had my driving licence with me. 😝

I’ve discovered that I hyperextend my arms when I stretch. To be honest I barely know what that means but I went to a class the other night and the instructor mentioned it. Never heard that about myself before! Maybe it’s because I love hugs. 🤗

I’ve discovered that I have issues with shame. I guess I knew this but I didn’t appreciate what it was before. I think I’ve always confused shame with guilt in the past. Now I realise that my constant battle with not feeling good enough is shame too.

I’ve discovered that my new business might actually work! I mean I always hoped it would and knew it had potential. I guess I just wasn’t sure that I could make it happen. Now I have 5 schools and a family signed up and more enquiries outstanding. (In other exciting news – I now have a logo for my business which is so cool!)

I’ve discovered that even writing these few short random paragraphs somehow helps me feel better about life. I don’t really get what that’s about but since it helps I’ll try to keep doing it.

This Little Light of Mine

This old Sunday School song has been going round in my head this week. Probably because of something that was mentioned at my local prayer group on Tuesday night. I don’t know what you picture when you hear this song but for me it’s always a candle – probably because of the old Bible story books I had as a kid. I wonder what kids these days would think of? Maybe a touch activated, colour changing LED lamp or something 😂? Anyway the sentiment that was shared at our group was that it matters how we walk through tough times. People are watching how we behave and we need to let our light shine.

At first when I was reflecting on this I felt like my little candle would have not only been snuffed out but it would have been totally submerged in the tears I’ve cried in the last day or so and I couldn’t see how I could make my light shine. Then a couple of things happened. When I was praying I felt like Papa was saying I need to give myself permission to shine. I guess I was waiting for my circumstances and my emotions to be sorted and my heart to be healed and feeling like I couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to shine until I felt okay. Then a friend was talking about changing their mindset (something I looked into a lot last summer) and that also made me realise that I need to change my thinking.

On Wednesday I came across this quote from Lisa Bevere’s book Adamant (which is definitely on my list of books to read).

There is a river hidden within your wilderness. The river is not around you, it is within you.

This got me thinking again that it’s not what’s going on around us that’s important in terms of our influence for God. If we have the Holy Spirit living inside us we can shine. The light we carry is not about us – it’s all about Him. I need to remember that. I guess I’ve often felt like I had to have it all together to be any use to God but I know at the same time that that’s not true.

Another good friend spoke to me today about being myself. I honestly don’t feel like I’ve properly been myself for a couple of months now. When I think about it though I feel like when I’m free and being myself my light will shine more naturally. So I guess I have some things to work on – being myself and letting my light shine. I’m pretty sure that’s not gonna be easy right now and I’ll probably mess it up several times but I’ll give it a try. I think I might need to change my mental image of my ‘little light’ though. Maybe an underwater torch would be more appropriate?