The other day I tripped over my hubby’s shoes when I came out of the toilet and I apologised to them! 😂 What’s that about? I actually laughed at myself when I did that. I do it all the time. I bump into tables at work and apologise to them too!
I saw a link to this TEDx talk a while back but I only just got round to watching it.
It’s by Maja Jovanovic and she’s specifically talking about women’s tendency to apologise. The more I think about it I realise it’s so true for me. In some situations (and I guess with some people more than others) I play myself down so much it’s almost as if I’m apologising for my own presence in a situation. I apologise for having an opinion or something to say. I think she’s right. I need to STOP it because it’s hurting my confidence.
I remember when I was quite young (maybe about 10 or 11) my sister and I were asked to sing at the Scottish conference of the church denomination where my dad was a lay preacher at the time. It was pretty daunting! All the pastors sat on the rather large stage and it was probably the biggest room full of people I had seen at that point in my life (with one possible exception). I can’t remember exactly what size the room was but I’m guessing that it probably held no more than 500 people. There was an overflow room too so maybe there were another 100 there, I’m not sure. At the time I remember feeling like it was thousands of people. Anyway, we sang our songs and I remember several of the pastors behind us on the stage had tears in their eyes. Maybe because we were little kids (my sister is a year younger) and they thought it was cute or maybe the Holy Spirit touched their hearts through what we sang. I really don’t know. Afterwards in the corridor I remember an older, grey-haired man coming over to me to compliment my singing. I don’t actually remember what the compliment was but I remember down playing it in some way – maybe I pointed out my mistakes or said I had done it better in the practice? What I do remember very clearly is that he gave me a lecture (in a kind way) and told me that when someone pays me a compliment I should just say ‘thank you’. That has stuck with me to an extent and I have remembered to do that on the whole (although I definitely do that thing she talks about in the TEDx talk where I tell people how cheap my clothes were 😂).
In the video Maja talks about a definition of being humble and it is pretty negative. I wonder if this is partly the struggle for Christian women ’cause the Bible teaches us to be humble? Thinking about it though, I don’t reckon that the biblical definition of humility is what she described. The Bible also teaches us to know who we are in Christ and about the authority we have as believers and so on. Jesus ‘humbled himself’ but that didn’t mean he lacked confidence. It didn’t mean that he thought he had no power or authority. He knew exactly who he was.
I guess there’s a balance to find where self confidence is concerned? It’s important to be able to acknowledge our own strengths as well as our weaknesses. It’s important to be able to put others first without losing our own identity. It’s important to understand our position in Christ Jesus without becoming full of pride.
That gives me some more stuff to be working on. Maybe if you catch me saying sorry without good reason you would pick me up on it? I think I need to do what I can to improve my confidence because I want to be bold enough to do what He wants me to do and that’s going to take me really grasping my true identity.