The Gift of Tears

I had a conversation yesterday that kind of impacted me so I wanted to tell you about it. I was driving to our friend’s funeral along with another friend B whom I’ve only started getting to know better recently. B also used to be a teacher and she has a very similar personality to me (at least we both have the same MBTI and Enneagram types).

We started off talking about funerals and how we feel about them. Neither of us are scared of sad emotions and we both cry quite a lot and have a lot of empathy for others. Sometimes that means that we get emotional at funerals even if we don’t know the deceased that well because we empathise with family members who are upset.

I mentioned that I sometimes feel like I cry too much and she told me a story. She said that her mum had once said to her mum (B’s gran) that she cried too much. B’s gran told her that she didn’t cry too much; she had the ‘gift of tears’. I think that’s a kind of beautiful way to look at it. Not everyone finds it easy to express their emotions I suppose.

There are some people I know who seem to struggle with emotions. It seems as if they don’t know how to process the more difficult ones or what to do with them. They also find it difficult to watch others who are emotional and it can seem like they think expressing emotion is a weakness. I don’t know if that’s what they really think but it can come across like that. Sometimes the only emotion that you really see them express is anger.

As a child and a teenager I rarely cried; but after I got married and had kids I seemed to become a lot more tuned in with the sad emotions or maybe I was just more empathetic? These days I cry at all sorts of stuff – movies (happy or sad), adverts, the news and books. Sometimes my family laugh at me when I cry at movies. I cry a lot with song lyrics or when people share their stories, like when people share testimonies in church that often gets me.

The funeral service yesterday was very emotional. All four of our friend’s sons and his wife and his brother and other friends and family shared about the impact he had had on their lives. They spoke about the kind of man he was and what he had taught them. It made me wish that I had had more time to get to know him. One of his sons had even written a beautiful song for his dad. It certainly got my ‘gift of tears’ flowing.

When I first went to the docs earlier this year about depression I was crying so much that it was interfering with my life – I don’t think that was healthy – but sometimes a good cry does make you feel better. It releases oxytocin after all so it’s bound to help. I think I’m doing a lot better now and I’m crying a lot less but I’m not afraid to cry. Sometimes I think the right thing to do is to let those emotions out.

How do you feel about crying? Does it bother you when other people get emotional? Do you have the gift of tears?

23 thoughts on “The Gift of Tears

  1. I relate on every level of empathy and tears. I seldom cry easily anymore and can’t force myself, even when I know I will feel better if I do. I will always be the person whose eyes will fill with tears easily, however, so I know my emotions are intact. I’m glad you’ve found a balance.

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  2. I have the opposite problem. When I face difficult times I find it hard to cry. Not sure why. When my first husband died I think I was so focused on being “strong” for my two young daughters that maybe it caused me to not be able to cry at difficult times. I felt so bad when I couldn’t cry at his funeral and worried that people would think I was cold and uncaring.

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  3. Oh I’m a crier all right. Not all the time, but I definitely will relate to people who are suffering and cry as they share. I also have seasons where I cry more than others. Tears have been a precious gift to me. They are there when the words aren’t.

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  4. I read an amazing article about tears / crying (I think I wrote about the article in a post ages ago). It’s so true – crying is like a miracle – it can release so much pain.
    I am a huge fan of having a cry when you need it.

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  5. I can relate a great deal to your post and certainly as a male I was always told that grown men don’t cry.
    Emotionally I shut myself off especially after the death of my Grandfather and it became even more difficult to show emotions when I started to drink heavily resulting in dependency and depression.
    It was only really after I stopped drinking that my feelings and emotions were awakened and I have found that since 1997 I cry at lots of different things even down to Christmas movies.
    There is nothing to be embarrassed about in terms of crying and showing emotion.
    My thoughts reach out to you and your family and friends on the loss of your friend 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes that’s very true too. I know my son’s generation are much more open to it than some of the older guys I know. Having said that my dad is able to cry and express emotion. 🙂


  6. I cry at silly things…my daughter sent me a commercial yesterday, and a video of a five year old bringing his class to his adoption hearing and I was crying. I think it’s great to let out emotion in any way you can

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  7. That is true that someone mentioned above about tears becoming more “acceptable” for men now. I’ve never understood that tears and weakness are associated with each other when it should be the opposite. Having a heart large enough to care is definitely a strength in my books.

    The people that cannot relate on that type of deeper aspect.. scare me.

    100% gift

    Liked by 1 person

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