He Wants Me

I wanted to share this song with you since I’ve been listening to it most of this week on and off. I came across it the other morning when I was feeling pretty low and it helped to turn around my thinking at the time and made me feel loved.

I think my greatest desire (for myself) is to feel loved and wanted and seen and known but my feelings don’t always oblige. This song reminded me that God sees me and knows me better than anyone and somehow even though he knows all about my shortcomings and my failures the God of the universe wants me. That boggles my brain when I think about it just for a minute. Anyway I hope the song blesses you as much as it did me.

Control by Tenth Avenue North

Here I am
All my intentions
All my obsessions
I want to lay them all down
In Your hands
Only Your love is vital
Though I’m not entitled
Still You call me Your child

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I give You control

I’ve had plans
Shattered and broken
Things I have hoped in
Fall through my hands
You have plans
To redeem and restore me
You’re behind and before me
Oh, help me believe

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go, oh

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control

Oh, You want me
Somehow You want me
The King of Heaven wants me
So this world has lost it’s grip on me

Oh, You want me
Somehow You want me
The King of Heaven wants me
So this world has lost it’s grip on me

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To take my hands off of my life
And the way it should go, oh

God You don’t need me
But somehow You want me
Oh, how You love me
Somehow that frees me
To open my hands up
And give You control
I give You control

Oh, give You control
Oh, I want to give You control
I give You control

You want me
Somehow You want me
The King of Heaven wants me
So this world has lost it’s grip on me

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Matthew Bronleewe / Michael Donehey

Control (Somehow You Want Me) lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

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Merry Christmas!

I’ve been a bit quiet again for the last week or so. I’ve been busy getting organised for Christmas and I’ve been tired (got my energy back now though 😊). I kept thinking about writing different things but never quite getting round to it. Or starting draft posts and not finishing them.

I love Christmas! It’s probably the big kid in me 😊. It’s definitely different now that we don’t have little ones waking us up all excited at the crack of dawn (these days I’m first awake and probably the most excited 😂) but I love it all the same.

On Sunday at church we were encouraged to reflect on the first Christmas and what it would actually have been like to be there. I can’t help but wonder what it was like from Mary’s perspective. Pregnancy (especially the first time) is a strange experience anyway. It’s kind of like having a little alien growing inside you. How weird would it be to be pregnant as a virgin? I imagine that could be pretty terrifying at times. I wonder if she had morning sickness or worse all day sickness like I had with my son?

Then to have to take a long and uncomfortable journey to a distant town just days before giving birth. No option to phone ahead or book a nice hotel online. No fancy air-conditioned car to travel in. Instead a bumpy ride on a donkey – her back must have been aching!

Arriving in Bethlehem there were no hotel rooms left and they ended up slumming it in a stable or at least a room with animals in it. Imagine the smells; the moist, warm air from the animals’ bodies and breath. No proper bed to lie on while giving birth. Just some prickly straw and an audience of animals. No midwife or doctor on hand. No pain relief or water baths. Just her husband-to-be who probably had little experience of delivering babies.

All the same it must have been an awesome experience. To carry the Saviour of the world inside of her and to look into his little face when he was born. I’m sure, like most mothers, all the pain and difficulties were forgotten and love overtook her in that moment.

One of my favourite Christmas songs is Mary did you know? I love thinking about the words written to Mary and the tune is beautiful too.

Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you’ve delivered, will soon deliver you

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God

Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know?The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven’s perfect lamb?
That sleeping child you’re holding is the great I am

Source: LyricFind

Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Mary did you know? Oh Mary did you know?

Songwriters: Buddy Greene / Mark Lowry

Mary, Did You Know? lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group, Capitol Christian Music Group

I will write again soon but for now I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas! I hope you’re having a blessed day. 😊

He loves me

He loves me like his favourite teddy bear
A thing, a possession
Never to be let go
Worn out and tatty
Well loved but of no real value
Not particularly important
Easily replaced

He loves me like a princess
Beautiful, important, highly valued
With purposes yet unknown
But definitely of worth
A priceless gem
To be sought after
And cherished

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

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If you haven’t read this book yet – do it! I know I’m really behind the times and people have been talking about this for ages but I’ve been kinda busy over the last couple of years/ my life and I hadn’t made time to check it out.

If you enjoy warm, funny, raw, honest real-life fiction you will love this book. It’s so easy to get into and I love the way the author drip feeds you information about the characters. It’s like making a friend getting to know Eleanor. I finished the book a couple of days ago and I kinda miss her.

I don’t want to give too much away in case you haven’t read it but there are a few themes in the book that are quite relatable such as struggles with mental health, image, love and friendship.  The author addresses these in a very honest and thought provoking way.  Probably one of the best fiction books I’ve read in ages.  Totally recommend it.

Overwhelmed

Some days just suck. Lots of days right now. I feel overwhelmed. Too much is sad and difficult and depressing. Sometimes I feel like there is nowhere safe to turn. It would be so easy to hide under my duvet for the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself. Or to run away, escape from it all.

Then I remember about the people who would be devastated if I did that.

So much is changing in my life right now. It’s hard to deal with it all. My kids have grown up. One is about to leave for Australia for a year. The other could leave at any time if she gets moved with work or decides to get her own place. My closest friend isn’t around. Family relationships are strained. My husband is out of work. I’m trying to start a new business. And then there’s the normal run of the mill stuff that just needs done every day or every week so we can survive.

When it all gets too much I just want a friend to turn to. Someone safe, who’s not too busy or too judgemental. Who won’t be hurt by what I need to get off my chest. Someone who knows me, knows that I’m broken and flawed but loves me anyway. Someone who sees the good and the potential in me and encourages me to go for it.

It’s not always easy to find someone like that. On the other hand I know that Jesus is always with me. He’s always there to listen, never too busy even though he has the whole world to take care of. He’s never going to be surprised by what I tell him because he knows everything about me anyway and he loves me regardless. He’s not going to gossip about me or think less of me. He tells me he has put gifts and talents in me and encourages me to use them. He is a friend who is closer than a brother. A friend who was willing to die just so I could have a relationship with him. When I really really think about that I am still overwhelmed… by His love for me.